Hi, I’m Jo. My best friend died 2 years ago today. My husban...

I'm not telling you that stop loving those who you lost. But you don't fall into depression you don't feel sorry for yourself you don't feel sorry for them for being gone they are happy where they're at. I believe in God. I believe that there's the devil too. I believe that we our body our life force our souls whatever you wanna call it when we're gone. Somehow we move forward. I believe that and we don't move forward to a worst case scenario hell if you did some good and if you love people in this world I don't care if you're not a Christian you're moving forward. There's good and there's evil. If there's a hell I ain't ever gonna see it I don't deserve it do you? I don't think so… but you will have hell on earth if you start feeling sorry for yourself or continue feeling sorry for yourself or continuing depression or even think about acting depressed. Or being depressed and I'm not saying that you're active I'm just saying being depressed.. Fuck that!! Just like that just like I said it fuck that!!! I'm gonna repeat it one more time fuck that!!! Move on with life!!! Cause unless you got a story to tell like mine!! Move on for your own good girl.. And I bet you anything in the world that you'll be happy don't come moments when you get sad or you'll find somebody and then you'll compare them with the person you lost and you say well this person isn't in comparison now that's fine. You had a one of a kind person and you enjoyed life with them when they were here and they left loving you and even if they didn't you'll find out because if you don't you'll never find out because if there's somebody else out there that's gonna love you more just the same or a little bit less you're either going to put the person you love than love you as knowing in your mind in your heart of hearts and they loved you more than anybody else in the world but how are you gonna find out if you don't find anybody else to love how do you know that they deserve that pedestal that you're putting them on if you don't look for somebody else or if not the look I'm not telling you to go hunting I'm telling you to live the fuck forward… and just live and see what the fuck beauty life gives you if it gives you shit then put it in a bag tied up and throw the fuck away in the trashcan. Simple analogy god love you God protect you God be with you girl I'm rooting for you!! And I'm wishing you all the best I know I'm a foul mouth son of a bitch I am! But I'm 51 years old! I'm not at the age where I'm gonna stop or start watching what I fucking say.. Because I know that it's coming out of my mouth and I'm saying it would love with enthusiasm with a few freaking tears in it.. And I'm not saying that to hurt you Close your eyes and imagine some not poor ugly looking dude but some big strong dude who just Live life and has a couple of stars and once you who I don't know personally to live!! And imagine!! That he smiling!! And he's praying!! For you and you don't even know you… but he's hoping that you take his words to heart and know how he's saying them with love enthusiasm and good well towards you. God bless take care you keep living girl Live.

OK.. So I'm doing some major planning before I go to high school, I need clothes, I tried asking my mom, I tried asking my stepfather…. And all he would tell me that they had bills to pay. I mean I felt that with no two sisters here anymore and just me and my little brother that the money was going to be. In abundance. I would see the stacks of dollar bills that my mom not dollar bills hundred dollar bills $20 bills the tax and folds of money that my dad would pop out of his pocket the folded money the folded money and the bill holder solid gold bill holder with his initials on it… that he would bust out whenever he would pay for something or whenever he would pay for my lunch… so I said to myself well I need money and I'm not getting it for working for it and I need clothes screw this shit I'm gonna take what's mine so I started paying myself a salary.. The five finger salary I wasn't gonna go to high school with busted up Payless shoe source tennis shoes.. Yeah I remember those 2499 12.99 or Kmart 12.99 tennis shoes the wet ones. No brand just cheap two for $10 well everybody in high school was wearing Reebok pumps or Reebok high tops black so I decided to buy myself a pair of Reebok high top white cost me a whole $60 back then.. No worries I know how to skip the bill or tilt… the cash register.. Sometimes when they would do the figures at the end of the night they figured.. There's some money missing but they never really pinpoint where it was getting for how it was getting lost.. They just figured somebody wrote down the wrong.. Price on our pay list and that's all.. My stepfather you should just open the cash register.. Count the money write it down and his taxes were done… he was a bit of an idiot when it came to that but he was pretty smart about it too.. You report what you got and that's it.. What's not there wasn't there ever.. So they had money in abundance is what I'm trying to say and I was getting away with taking money how did I keep them from noticing that I was very nice clothes I had actually a watch I was wearing not out of gold but it was a nice calculator watch and then I found a divers watch it was only like $150… it's OK I figured that if I was busting my butt for my stepfather at his business every day after school I'd go to sleep at night I go home at 9 o'clock at night when we would close the business and I would have to do my damn homework at 9 o'clock in the afternoon in the evening.. And then go to sleep and then wake up at 7 o'clock in the morning 6 o'clock in the morning. Hell I didn't wake up at 7 o'clock when I used to wake up at 5 AM if I remember correctly.. And the weekend of our first party of the first School year in high school I get invited to the first weekend party. At a friends house I took my hundred dollar bill folded $100 bill with a fat belly. And when I got to that party Forget about it!!!! Status here I come!! All I did while I was standing in line… to use the bathroom.. There was a few guys in line before me… I simply leaned up against the wall and very cool fashion dug into my pocket opened up that hundred dollar bill and I made sure that everybody saw this.. I opened it up just like I've seen them do it in the bathroom of our business and the basement of our business while I was hiding I took my Long pinky fingernail I dug it in there and I took my first shot of blow.. The rest is history… I became an addict of my environment I did simply what I saw done every single day since I was a child and my dad's business… you wanna know something even shittier than that during high school my father finds out.. All of a sudden that I have a car I started with the with the motorcycle I got my license I bought a brain I got a brand new car… I just bought a real nice car.. And what time.. My father my stepfather sees me driving this nice car…. Which I used to park like five blocks away from our house… he finds out… he stops me like a cop… and I'm 16 years old.. And I'm saying to myself oh shit I'm dead.. First thing he does is looks in my pockets. Like a damn cop where did you get this money from I told you I was working part time at the McDonald's… which McDonald's the one in Anaheim… who's car is this my managers.. Which is a uniform.. I keep it in the locker at work,,.. He just asked me to go do him a favor… and he let me borrow his car… where did you go… I went to your friends CHepos house.. You know the house where you go sometimes.. I mean come on dad I know what they do there.. Yeah well I just go there to play cards I don't know what the hell it is they sell there how do you know what they sell!!! Or what they do there… I go to school with his son.. And I went out with his daughter.. Really? Yeah.. They tell me that you sometimes they're playing cards with them? That's all they told you? Yeah why/? So you went to buy this stuff that's in your pocket for him? Yeah my manager? He asked me and I said OK? He was out drinking and he needed something to get him up? And he gives me 20 bucks every time I go? So now you're a drug dealer? No!!!! Why your eyes dilating? My response was why are yours? We'll talk about this when you get home…… OK. don't you ever fucking talk to me like that again!! And then came the powerful left hand then came the powerful right handed slap with the mouth with the hand open across my face. Well at least that's what he was aiming… all I did was pivot my head backwards and he missed….. And he was pissed he's about 5 foot three.. Not very tall but very very powerful.. Like a wrestler a Mexican wrestler this man my stepfather to do you know those rings that dude Post themselves up with one hand in one ring one hand the other ring and then they pull themselves up… and do that crucifix in the gymnastics like a gymnast? That's what he could do at the age of 40 he could hold himself like that for 25 seconds>>>> he was short.. Bald.. Lotta charisma not a bad looking dude really because everything suited him perfectly… and with all the nice suits in the jewelry he look like a fucking Italian mobster.. Oh and we had a friend that was an Italian mobster from New York who was we found out… skip in town for a couple years… cause he got into trouble and in New York… but my dad never rubbed the elbows with them in their business he just knew them cause they liked them… but that's a whole other story that was my downfall… that was my destruction he had thrown me out so many freaking times when I was younger that I was already immune to his bullshit how we started doing drugs together.. And he still maintain his status as Mr. blah blah blah but when the shit hit the fan for me and I was 18 years old and I had graduated high school and he started being a real asshole with me and doing drugs with me I started getting more and more addicted to the drugs.. And he was fine because he had my mom to back him up he had control over his drug I didn't I lost control… became a drug addict… feeding for that cocaine.. Feeding since I was 14 years old.. Well when I entered high school.. Not once did they ever fucking offered to take me to rehab he just kept throwing me out of the house.. And I was sleeping in the goddamn park with the fucking bums in the Civic Center.. Of downtown Santana.. Or guess what I hit prison… and me and my mom.. We were legal residence permanent residence… I went to prison and 96 and I got out in 99.. I cleaned up my act I met a beautiful girl who I loved with all my heart we had a son.. But in the meantime I was losing my chance… to hold onto my green card….. And I was fighting every single day of my life every month to put together.. $5000 so I wouldn't lose my immigration attorney.. I got out of prison and I was trying to do my best.. I had fucked up when I was a kid I got busted.. For… second-degree burglary.. Because I went to a friend business who owed me money for a photography session that I did he owed me three photography sessions….. And the son of a bitch never paid me and I was… losing my freaking mind.. Because I was addicted OK this is before I was prison there's a reason why I went to prison.. And I have tired of his giving me the runaround and he told me to my face that day that I fucking robbed him and I took my shit because he was in… he was doing cocaine too.. Everybody in downtown Santa Ana did cocaine did drugs sold them… did something my stepfather sold that son of a bitch's business… I went to prison.. Not because he/…. Told on me my fighting chance was I kept my mouth shut…. I had only a public attorney… or public defender.. My stepfather stepped in… when I was in prison already when I was in jail and he told the guy to back the hell out of the… charges but he had his employee filed the charges against me for robbery.. Long story short I go to prison… when I get out of prison I have a warrant from immigration I post bail by some miracle in the world I had a friend left in the world and they posted my bail and I had to get an attorney and I was married I had just gotten married.. Right after I got out of prison I met this girl I fell in love and I got married I had a son and I couldn't keep up I don't know how I did it but I was paying my attorney $5000 a month Plus paying my rent and my bills and making trying to make my life with my wife as easy as possible she had no reason to suffer for my discrepancies when I was young… that life was over.. She had no green card.. She was illegal in the country but I had a son that was a US citizen it was born in the country…. He was only five years old when I got deported for because I couldn't afford… to pay my attorney $5000 a month… I fired my attorney because I couldn't afford to pay him anymore… I went to court I had no attorney attorney and finally…. After all the freaking delays… which my attorney.. Was at fault for.. Now that I didn't have an attorney.. I get an actual court date.. I called the judges secretary.. Cause I was on my way to the… trial… and immigration Court, Federal court and my Toyota supra…. Overheated. On the freeway.. 10 minutes away.. From the courthouse… luckily…… I had about an hour and a half to get there….. But I did it wasn't gonna make it so I called the number… I walked off the freeway.. There was a gas station I picked up the payphone I called the number that I'm supposed to call if you're gonna be late to the courthouse… or if you're gonna miss a court date and I called them and she specifically gave me a certain.. Date I wrote it the fuck down…. But she when she sent me the letter.. For my next court date.. And I had the letter… and the court date… that she put on the piece of paper… that she sent me was wrong…. I presented it to the judge… I showed up the day that was. Reported on the letter that I received.. And documented on the letter that I received…. But the judge said I was supposed to be there the day before… I presented them with the letter… the judge says OK will fix this…. You'll get a new summons in the mail… thank you for showing up.. I do see that you're OK no worries Mr. Garcia will see you.. Will reset the trial reset the date…. No worries we can't do it today…. You'll get the notification in the mail like you always do.. I handed them my only Proof… that it was not my fault for not showing up and guess what.. The next thing I received was a deportation order when I went to my parole officer cause I was still on parole my parole officer says to me George today's your last day of parole… but I got this INS or ice guy that says he wants to talk to you to I have to hold you… for him until 12 noon he'll be here.. Well… it's 1230 and he's not here.. I wasn't gonna freaking hold you anyways… so get the hell out of here.. I'm not immigration and I don't fucking do favors for people from immigration I'm a parole officer I got enough work to do on my own… as far as I'm concerned George you qualified to be….. Parole you've done a good job take care of your wife and kids I'll see you later partner bye-bye…. Go home… I would suggest that you change your address.. Or you stay where you're at.. Because he doesn't have your address yet.. And he's sure as hell not gonna get it for me he's only gonna get your last address… I don't work for immigration I'm a parole officer I got enough on my freaking plate. Immigration catches up with me two years later. And they throw me out of the country I came back with my ID card across the border the same freaking.. Night I just had a friend go pick me up and I came back to the United States for my son for my wife. For them. And because I have never in my entire freaking life lived in Mexico… my whole life was in the United States since I was three years old.. We left Mexico because we didn't have nothing in Mexico.. My mom had no relatives and the relatives that she did have she didn't want nothing to do with… I don't know them I've never been there I've been there on vacation but not didn't see no damn relatives… but I never lived in Mexico my entire life never not one day well I got sent back and put into prison again for going back to the United States legally you sent this to me three years and then I was deported and September 27 of 2005.. And ever since then.. I've been living.. In Mexico by myself on my own with no family or friends.. The only people that I love I never cared for in my whole life are in the United States… my parents are old on Social Security.. My brother my youngest brother is a drug addict…. And I'm the strongest pillar in my family because I was strong enough to get off drugs I was strong enough.. To go through the bullshit that I went through in my life…. Because I went through some shit. I stayed out of gangs…. I tried to survive as best I could… I never received a single dime for my family my mother and my brother and I still love the shit out of them I love them more than my entire life I would do anything for them… I love my family imagine how much I love my son and my wife…. My wife started a new life in the United States but she never abandoned me but she never could come back to the Mexico why would I make her come back to Mexico…. When she left Mexico for a fucking reason…. The one thing that I love in my life and I never saw him grow up with my son I just met my son for the second time in over 15 years.. To a year ago I met him my son was five years old when I had to leave when I went to prison for returning to the state United States legally all because of a fucking letter… if I would've kept the damn letter.. And just reported it to the judge the day and show him the letter and kept it they would've never fucked me.. I know I made the mistakes in my life…. That I made I deserve what I deserved that's fine… we are not victims of our environment… but I was only 14 years old and I just continued to live the life that was already being lived by my family by others by the ones that I admired and loved… but I sucked it up and cowboy the fuck up and dealt with the fucking consequences and I say this with love in tears in my eyes young lady I don't know you Joe… at least you have buried your loved ones.. And you know that they left this world loving you…. But I love my family…. And I would die to be with him… but my son how can he love me.. If he's never really met me he met me once. And we had a real beautiful time.. But he has his own family now I have two beautiful grandchildren that I love so much that I've never only met once… I have a granddaughter that I met… she was the most beautiful thing in the world to be.. I would die for them I've been a family man my whole life.. I always looked after my family I put up with their shit. but I never hated them.. Because I would've done anything for them… and sure they talk to me… but out of sight out of mind my wife had to continue her life she couldn't just give up because I was in prison again… well in her lifetime I was in prison for the first time away from her when I promised to love cherish and provide for her… but because of my past she lost me… because I did something that I wasn't shouldn't of done what should I have done when I was deported the first time stay in Mexico. I knew the risks.. I went back illegally to the country and now I am paying the fucking price your loved ones are gone sweetheart and you set your goodbyes… I've said my goodbyes and they're still alive.. I get one visit I will never have a second one I won't see my mother die I won't be able to bury my even my fucking stepfather whom I know that he was the way he was because… it just was what it was…. And life is what it is… and if you raise a certain way you raise others the same way… people don't reflect…. I learn from my life from my past from my environment… I'm smarter than my family.. But because I learned because I know how to love… I miss them every single day of my life when I'm alone. Because I only love.. And wanted to love one person in my life and I found her…. But I couldn't take her away from what she was running away from I couldn't take her away from…. Excuse me.. I'm babbling because… I use voice to text but I'm crying at the same time and I'm making mistakes..

I cannot and could not ask her no matter how much I loved her to stop what she was doing and bring my son to a country where I know there is no future.. And she couldn't leave the country at that time because she was in illegal and I didn't want her to get deported sometimes I kind of wish that…. She did get deported but she was lucky enough to have a second child unfortunately.. Was born autistic but fortunately I guess God founded on her and said OK… your son's gonna give you status in order for you to stay in the country so you don't ever have to worry about being illegal… I know for a fact that she hates her new husband.. He's an idiot he is an idiot… I've never been jealous of him because I know if she doesn't love him but I could never in my life take her away from…. What she was running from…. Mediocrity poverty getting by barely…. I don't barely get by here in Mexico fortunately for me… I have a good job and I work for companies from the United States.. But I had to cowboy the fuck up sweetheart, and I'm asking you to do the same thing… I'm not gonna be there to bury my mom and my dad I'm never gonna see my brother again… because to my family out of sight out of mind.. He needs me every time I talk to him he is worse and worse and worse and worse and he lives off of my mom and my dad's Social Security their house burned down at one point I feel so cell helpless…. It is worse than burying them because you know where they're gone. And that they lived.. The time that they live but they lived and that's you could be thankful for… it's worse to live in hell.. Because that's what you're gonna create for yourself hell if you don't cowboy the fuck up and start living. And I say this wholeheartedly and I say this with a lot of love in my heart. But I'm being straightforward with you sweetheart because I say what I feel and I feel what I say and I don't ever ever in my life hold anything back when I talk… because I have to be for real we should all be so lucky to be that way… I hurt when others hurt I stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves I've done it here in Mexico but that still doesn't give me the love of my family…. It's like I buried an entire family… they might as well I might as well be buried and dead but I'll probably fucking be the only son of a bitch to outlive them.. That's my burden that's my life that's the way it is you don't stop living you go the fuck on.. You don't give up. Live. Fuck depression. Fuck falling into a moment of self pity and bullshit. You've grieved. Live because your family members I doubt that those that you've lost will stop and say sweethear greet me for the rest of your freaking life and and don't continue living a good life living hatred Hurt and anger or in self pity and and keep loving me for the rest of your life and. Never see another person never fall in love again never go out never date.. Fuck that…. If he tells you that then shit. Stay where you're at.

Is it okay for me to wear girls’ underwear?

I'll explain, I was 14 years old actually I think I was a lot younger than that. But let's go with 14 still a bit of a blur to me those ages never really had a birthday party so I never really kept track. So anyways. I grew up watching my stepfather and mother's business become very successful.. Me and my two siblings who were older than me girls. But one of them left the house when she was 15, the other one when she was 17.. Like I said I don't really remember the ages here I just know that they were young and they were minors when they left the house. Even though my parents had money and I knew they had money because my stepfather had the best jewelry made for him he had this plaque on his chest that he would wear around his Gold snake type chain that was thick but a quarter inch thick you know like Cubans wear. Or at least they call him Cuban whatever. Anyways, my mom she had these bracelets that were made out of solid gold.. Beautiful bracelet Real pretty. Gold chains, my little brother used to get all the nice clothes. He was a baby. But he was their son. My half brother but I love my little brother still do. And I used to witness my stepfather used to put in a lot of work into our business it was a bridal shop so the weekends we were Hella busy we had about seven or eight seamstress we had about three floor employees a couple of photographers that work for us. And my stepfather and my mom and me. So whenever they would put in these overtime hours and we would close until probably two or three in the morning getting the dresses and everything ready for the weekend I was going to school at that time of course I would have to stay up and work with them until the late hours of the night and still wake up the next morning and go to school. I did this all through high school I would get out of school and go to work for my dad. And never got a single freaking penny for giving out flyers right in front of his business to make the way Mexicans do it they give out business cards and flyers and they put them on your card or they hand them to you by hand while you're passing by their business I did this since the age since I couldn't remember I did this.. I would have to go door-to-door on my bike for hours. Hours a day. Never got any clothes at least new clothes. My shoes had holes in the bottom of them. And my stepfather would smack the shit out of me every single time he had a reason to. Well I would watch him at these late night shifts that we would have on the weekends drink and everybody loved him by the way he was funny he is funny he's not dead yet,. People were attracted to my mom's Beautiful vibe, because she was a sweet lady people loved her.. SO my stepfather was member of the chamber of commerce. He had charisma. People loved him. And this is in a Mexican community in Santa Ana California in downtown Santa Ana. He was Mr. blah blah blah can't say his last name that would be messed up… so a lot of people knew him and a lot of the business owners at that time the Mexican business owners well let's just say that the jewelers people who own jewelry stores in downtown Santa Ana and who own the restaurants and the restaurant bars let's just say that they were doing a lot of laundry if you know what I mean. Their businesses were just Front whatever you wanna call it. So here I am this kid, I grew up wanting to be just like my stepfather with a Gold nugget diamond plastered bracelet that was worth over $20,000 on his wrist that little plaque on his chest made out of solid gold Wait announce and the letters of his initials on it and he would wear these Cuban style shirts with his,… chest hair out but I'm telling you he had charisma and people loved him and called them Mr. blah blah blah… and he knew a lot of people… in bad.. Business… but I actually looked up to them.. Because they had fancy cars and more jewelry and wow they were blinking and blinking.. Before bling bling was ever even a thing!! Mind you my stepfather businesses were on the up and up… they really did work hard.. I know because I worked my butt off for them.. For free for years and years.. And years but I used to witness him and his friends going to the one stall bathroom that we had in our business or they would bundle up together all three or four or five of them and sneak out to the basement of the business or they would all huddle up in the bathroom of the business.. And all you heard was this.. Sniffing sound.. And they would be talking and laughing and drinking.. And then they would all.. Leave the bathroom at the same time.. And then they would all go back to the bathroom at the same time and sometimes it would close the door.. Two dudes in the bathroom that didn't seem weird to me.. With only one toilet.. I used to see in the restaurants and the bars all the time cause I used to be allowed inside the restaurants and bars… to go get my stepfather because my mother was ready to go home they treated him… like a freaking celebrity everywhere he went and everywhere he went he would get invited to the bathroom.. With a group of guys wearing the same type of jewelry in Boots that were worth about. $2000. And sombreros.. You know cowboy hats… with cell phones.. That look like bricks… I grew up in all this… one time.. One of his most dearest friends.. Walks out of the bathroom with my dad… they were laughing and talking and had beers in their hands and.. He drops $100 bill nicely folded… it looked like a little envelope.. But it was $100 bill folding and it seemed kind of fat in the middle of it.. And I write away new.. Exactly what it was.. And you would think that I would.. Don't that stuff out.. And keep the hundred dollar bill I mean hell he dropped it right or say.. Hey uncle so-and-so… cause all those dudes were and what point in time… we were all related.. Mexicans… we make uncles out of friends and friends out of uncles.. Everybody's our cousin… our uncle…. Anyways. No I kept it. I kept the cocaine. Nobody ever mentioned the hundred dollar bill.. That my uncle so-and-so ever dropped. Because I held onto it for a long time.. Oh I didn't spend that money oh no sir Bob… I was going to high school. In a couple weeks.. Or months I don't remember.. My day is in junior high.. We're horrible. Luckily for me, I was getting the shit beat out of me by my stepfather pretty much all the time and he would slap me in the face harder than a human being then a 14 or 13-year-old can resist so my job was strong… I fought a lot.. In junior high but I didn't wanna fight anymore in high school… I wanted the same status my father had in downtown Santa Ana… I wanted it in high school so cocaine doesn't have an expiration date thankfully .. That was gonna be my status. Booster that hundred dollar bill with the cocaine in it… mind you I never opened it up but I knew exactly what it was. And I held onto it.. That was going to make me. Popular my life was gonna change at least at school. Mind you I was a very smart kid I got good grades in high school when I applied myself. I was Hella smart just naturally and I had charisma. When I was in a bad looking kid either. I was a good 180 when I was in junior high but I was buffed out. Big and strong.. But I felt like a weekly in junior high.. But I never really paid attention when I got in a fight… hell I don't even remember how many times I got in a fight but I remember I would walk away and they wouldn't.. So when I got to high school I had a certain status.. That I honestly was never even gonna need the cocaine bill the hundred dollar bill with the cocaine in it… to bump my status but I didn't know that when I got to high school the only thing that was gonna be my downfall was the fact that I didn't have any damn good clothes… I knew what kids were wearing nowadays they had Reebok on and or Nike Cortez which I really didn't like I like the Reebok pumps or the Reebok high top black ones remember those?

I'm gonna get to the point real soon… trust me enjoy the reading while you're doing just enjoy it. I'll get to my point.

But I fucking doubt and excuse me but again I say this with so much love and so much goodwill for you because I know firsthand that if I give up living or moving forward or loving I'm gonna stop moving forward completely and just become a pus of shit and nothing literally at least if I die alone or if I die without my loved ones at least I went on loving them. But I loved and moved on and I will always love them. When they die I will know that I love them and that I cared for them and that I would've done anything to be with them I won't give up. Nox give up and thinking that I'm gonna see them again that's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about I won't give up in life I need to go on. I'm not gonna allow anybody to feel sorry for me or just show me self-pity. Or that feel sorry for me and have to come visit me out to sell out of pity if they love me. I'll see them. Always in my heart my mind. And I'm good with that.

Do the British people realize how much American people absolutely despise them?

Focus, on you. They're gone. There's no more pain no more suffering no more heartaches. You have to go on. There's time to grief the time is over to grief. Don't make it a lifetime of grief. Dammit girl!! What would they say to you if they saw you in the state that you're in? Would they approve? With your loved ones say. Right on Joe? Or they tell you the cowboy the fuck up and start living life. We all lose people we love. And we all go through grief. At one point or another. You know what's worth than having people die and not being able to see them again… is having people that are alive… and not being able to see them again.. Because of circumstances or borders..

I'll tell you a little story, and I'm sharing this because I care. I'm strong. I'm a damn fighter.. I'll survive through freaking anything I'm like a goddamn cockroach unfortunately.

My situation is that I committed stupidity when I was younger. I went to prison when I was 21 years old. My stepfather wasn't the greatest. They own their own business in downtown Santa Ana California. And I was living on the street because I became a drug addict. I became a drug addict because I was a victim of my environment. Hear me out I'm not playing the damn blame game.

Are the seasons in Ireland different from those in Scotland, England, and Wales? Or are they just milder versions of each other?

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